Alright so I think it's time for you guys to share a story. Leave a great one in the comments. If you have more than one I will do these often so you can hold on to it or share until your heart explodes. I am so excited to read your guys stories.
Please remember to keep it anonymous!!
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Crap Roommates -- Avoidable?
So here's a blog I can sink my teeth into. After reading the posts here so far I have some advice for everyone trying to get a good roommate...
1. Make sure you're comfortable seeing your roommate with their shirt off. Because if they don't have a job they could hang around the house with their shirt off all day.
2. Come up with clear financial guidelines. Flakes are stupid to move in with.
3. If the roommate suddenly starts getting crazy give them space. If you start getting pissed take a couple breaths, have some time to yourself, then calmly approach your roommate.
4. Pranks are for elementary school.
5. If you didn't buy it, ask about it.
6. Don't complain about your roommate getting nookie, just play loud music. Hopefully when you're getting it on in your corner, your roommate will realize what's been happening and leave you be.
7. If you are home late on a weeknight or night when you know your roommate works in the morning, stay quiet and don't set the fire alarm off.
8. If you don't do anything, don't complain about others not pulling their weight.
9. If it's in the fridge and smells like hell, toss it immediately. Tell your roommate about it later. Unless it's cheese.
10. If you really want something to last in the fridge, put your name on it. Hopefully your roommate will think twice about it.
11. If you buy beer, buy something classy so it doesn't look like it's leftover from a party. Again, make sure to be known.
12. If all else fails buy a mini-fridge.
13. Dirty laundry isn't cool in the living room.
14. Throw stuff away. Really.
15. If food's left out for two days, it's bad. Dispose of it.
The reason I've written this? My roommates have somehow managed to violate all of these. Yikes. Anyone want to move in?
--Rules for better living
So i have a funny one to share.
Last year i was cohabitating with my skank of a whore roommate whose name shall remain anonymous.
Let me just give you the jist of who this girl was. She was from Las Vegas and had quite the party girl attitude. School was not really on the top of her priority list. She enjoyed flaunting her large saggy breasts to everyone that acknowledged them and liked to style her hair with Crisco. She also had some issues with alcohol. As in, she drank constantly. This is not just an asusmption it really is a proven fact. When she totaled her brand new car under the influence was the confirmation of her drinking problem.
Anyway, on to the good stuff.
I have never been one for confrontation. I would much rather live in peace and harmony rather than constantly having to be on the defense over my own actions. On the other hand, some situations (such as the basis of this blog) really deserve nothing but confrontation because as a result, hilarity ensues.
I tried to live in peace with my alcoholic whore of a roommate for a total of four months. A month or so into winter quarter (right after she totaled her car) I came home to once again scrub and scour HER dishes that had ONCE AGAIN been left in the sink for several days. I had been completing this selfless task for months by now and i had gotten pretty used to it, and apparently so had she.
After i finished scrubbing the entire sink full of her nasty Pasta Roni dishes (since that is the only thing she ate) i retreated to my room as usual.
I come out to the kitchen an hour or so later to find that a nasty little note had been scribbled on our white dry erase board that hung on our fridge. The note read as follows:
"Is there a REASON you have to do the dishes with HOT water every day when i am in the SHOWER?"
I need you to keep in mind that is is 3 o clock in the afternoon. Why are you just waking up to shower, especially since you are styling your hair with Crisco afterwards?
I was just as confused as you all are right now. I know what you're thinking. What in the heck did she do wrong? She was doing her roommates dishes that weren't even hers! I realize this. The statement that she made on the white board still puzzles me today.
So i would like to issue a formal apology, since me and the whore never spoke a full sentence to each other after this incident. Whore-ish skank Crisco hair ex-roommate:
I am very sorry for ruining your 3pm shower. It was never my intention to hurt you or interfere with your life by doing YOUR dishes. It was simply something i did out of the kindness of my heart, and for the sake of my sanity, as i do not enjoy living in filth. Apparently you have no problem with that. So, whore face, i am very sorry for doing something nice for you, i am foolish and i should know better next time.
So, to summarize the lesson that i have learned from this story: Do not do nice things for anyone. It will never benefit you in the long run.
Yeah. This i find to be true. It is crazy how that works out. lol
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