Monday, June 23, 2008


So I hope to keep this one short and sweet. I realize a lot of people don't find the humor however in this story so by all means let me know your take on the situation.

Lately I feel like my post have been a little more nag and a lot less funny. I hope that's just me being hypercritical but I just want to let you know that these blogs come from a light heart. I usually laugh for a good five to ten minutes during the actual event and I usually only post it if I know it will make you laugh or I've retold and laughed very hard.

Alright so I bought a cute table and two chairs I can honestly tell you the only time I've used my chairs is for recycling. I like to hang the bag on them. Anyway so my roommate took the first chair in his room two years ago and after a few months of mistreating the chair it broke. We laughed and finally he replaced it. So after a few more months of mistreatment we had friends over and we were playing apples to apple ( quick draw I may add) The next thing we knew there was a boy laid out on the floor and the chair in shambles. So after months of having one chair my roommate brought these hideous and I truly mean hideous chairs. I wish I had a picture of them. I would get a picture but you'll see in a few moments why I no longer can.

So let me refer you to an earlier post about the lawsuit story. During that time we had a tiff about him replacing my chair, it went something like this:

Me: Where is my chair?
Him: What Chair?
Me: The chair you broke.
Me: Exactly...
Him: It's in the closet...
Me: I threw it away months ago.
At this point he is walking away towards him room. The little twerp does not handle confrontation well.
Me: Just replace my chair.
Him: You can have my chairs.
Me: (snort) Your chairs your chairsssss
Him: A chair.
He then walked in to his room and slammed the door of course. As my friend and I left I picked up "my chair" and threw it across the room and said I LOVE MY CHAIR. it tumbled across the floor. Later that night it was still in the middle of the room but the following day he loaded all his chairs even the one he had given to me in his car. It was quite the site to see.

I still don't have a chair or a sauce pan :(

Please allow me to try and describe these chairs... they are poop brown round "1970" space ships with hideous rails. They had large fur balls on the bottom of the chairs that often shed. Oh goodness.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

When The Going Gets Weird You Know My Roommate Is Involved.

So I returned to my apartment after a nice week long vacation. As I entered the door I noticed that the roomie had taken the large box pictured throughout the blog and turned it up right. It was laying flat with various objects on it. Most of his crap that was sitting on the box was thrown all over the apartment. As I studied the large mess I realized the 5 empty bottles of wood varnish were gone and a few of the LARGE water jugs. My brain hurt. I could not figure out what he had done.

Later I was looking around hoping to find a clue that he had moved out. No such luck. However I looked in the closet and I was like wtf are these boxes? There were three random boxes with different size and colored tiles. Yes floor tiles. Had he stolen these from work?? What was he doing with them and more importantly WHAT WERE THEY DOING IN MY APARTMENT?! As I further researched the tiles I found small chunks of fake hardwood floor in on of the tile boxes. My brain was aching.

So it's been four days and he has not appeared. I know he'll be back and when I am not sure. I was thinking to myself should I tell my blog readers that I though there would be no more post. Tonight however I went to bake a cake I got in the closet where some of my dishes have been hanging out and being protected. I was searching for a small pan and I realized he stole one of my cake pans.... Why? I wish I knew so I made due with what I had a small cake and twenty four tinyyyy cupcakes. I went to grab a toothpick to check if the cake was done. As I looked at his cupboard because yes my toothpicks were in his holder. I realized he took his toothpick holder. Nothing else just the toothpick holder. I began to laugh and I moved on.

I decided I wanted a piece of toast with some of my peanut butter. I grabbed my peanut butter and opened it and half of my peanut butter was missing. I was very confused because he had a large container of his own peanut butter. I looked over at his cupboard and realized he had also taken his peanut butter. So he used my peanut butter and then realized that he had also used my toaster and left it plugged in. Grrr one of my biggest pet peeves. So I grabbed my butter and as I looked in to the container I realized he used and then took a knife and stabbed the butter. HE STABBED THE BUTTER. For the record he has his own butter and I looked in his fridge there is a good chance he probably also took that.

Every action this kid does truly makes my brain hurt. I hope you are laughing as hard as I did. Hopefully you're not as confused as me. WTF!! :) I love comments so don't be afraid to throw some up!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Frozen Doughnuts Lead to Stupidity

I think it's the frozen doughnuts that have made him go completely stupid. So recently we got a seventy dollar electric bill. With the permission of my Mother I allowed him to use up a lot of the electricity but I have issues letting it go to waste and racking up a large bill. My mother pays my half of the bill so in no way does he punish me, only himself. So I thought after the large bill he'd chill with the fan,I was oh so wrong. Now he loves leaving his light on when he is not home turning the light, fan, and heat lamp on in his bathroom constantly, and now lovessssss the hallway light. IDIOT right?! Oh but it gets better. So tonight he calls the security company of our apartment and places a noise complaint. So my friend and I are watching of all things a school band thing on television. Losers right?! Anyway so there's a knock on the door and I look out the peep hole and I am like well great it's the cops but then I realized it was security so I answer find my ID I am laughing but really trying to keep it in. He's being all creepy and I am trying to not slam the door on his face. Blah Blah... SO anyway he leaves I am laughing my friend leaves. This is what makes him a complete idiot. I am not moving out so I don't have to worry about my renters history but he is moving out and will need good renter's history and he fucked himself over. Not only does he now have a noise violation but also a violation because he called in on my dog. So it just shows as an apartment violation and not a person.

Sorry I know this blog sucks but I am in a hurry. But honestly the dude is the worlds biggest idiot.

There were three bags yesterday which means in under 10 hours he has ate a dozen FROZEN doughnuts.

This is what is left. yes those are frozen doughnuts and yes that is the recycling he knocked over/ threw across the counter.